Here's Jonny...wait, what!? My eyes! My eyes are melting!

Now I do not wish to give you nightmares, really I don't. But, in the quest to be a good footballing blog, I can't just bring you the pretty side of football. A blog containing solely pictures of Mourinho, Mancini, Villa Park, Arshavin and David Luiz may be a beautiful thing to behold, but it's not reality. The world of football is a gritty one and sometimes things turn ugly. Sometimes things turn violent. Sometimes you have to witness scenes that even a mother couldn't love. Things that make you want to rip your own eyes from their sockets and eat them before turning to your neighbour and clawing manically at his face...you have to be cruel to be kind. So here people, here is your reality...

Now, I would forgive you if you looked at those four faces and recoiled in horror, and I would agree, it's a tragic sight. But my main issue with this picture is the dish cloth they appear to be wearing. Want an up close picture? What's that I hear you cry? Enough is enough...oh well bad luck.

God have no mercy.

This shirt is a monstrosity. It looks cheap and nasty. Good news for all our Middle Eastern readers, it also doubles up as a turban but there the pros end I'm afraid. I get what Man Utd were trying to achieve with the whole, 'symbolising Manchester's rich cotton history' thang but did they really have to unleash hell upon our eyes in the quest for historical value? No is the answer. No they bloody well did not. If however, it is to cause a diversion to what may very well shape up to be another under par season, then well done United. I can't believe last year I labelled their home shirt in the 'Bad' part of my Good, Bad and Ugly section. That shirt was stellar in comparison. A work of art. Somebody get in touch with the Tate Modern. At least I can take some joy is using this for wiping dishes for a while before it gets bacteria ridden and smells of damp and starts growing mold which slightly looks like hair and causes brawls with the cutlery...and I'm not sure if I am any longer describing a cloth or Rooney. Who knew?